Red Flags To Watch Out Before You Commit.


Whenever I listen to conversations of how ladies don’t want to walk out of an abusive relationship, my heart goes out to them. God created a woman as a gift to the man but when she is not valued and end up being abused, it totally affects the woman and her self-worth. It’s sad to say, most statistics indicate ,women stay in such abusive relationships because they are afraid of being left alone, they are dependent on the abuser or they have low self-esteem. They happen to believe, they are not loved because one person decided not to love them. I have meet absolutely beautiful ladies in dysfunctional relationships and yet they are not married to these guys, they are allegedly calling their so called ‘boy-friend’.
This post am focusing on un-married women, who are in dysfunctional relationships. One thing you need to understand is, God never created you, to endure life but to enjoy it. We all need to know as women, a man will treat you, depending on the way you treat yourself. Researchers state that, abusers are drawn to people who already feel powerless in other aspects of their life. These people question their own worth and thus do not consider whether their needs are being met. Predators build up the victim’s self-esteem before introducing the abuse, can you just believe that!!!

There are always red flags waving high, but very few young people are willing to acknowledge them when passions are waving higher. some ladies think, a man will change once they decide to settle in a marriage union but truth be told, the man becomes worse because he has un-dealt with issues that need to be addressed by a counselor and NOT YOU!!!

If you are in an abusive relationship, first and fore-most, you need to learn to love yourself all over again. Self-love will help you to understand your worth, you will be able to speak to yourself soberly; what I mean is, you will think with your mind and not your heart. You will come to a definite conclusion; you deserve a better life than what you are enduring, even though you will have to cut off all ties that are binding you with that man.
Some abusers will promise to change the day you decide to walk away or they might threaten to cut off all the financial support. Honey! Before you met this man, you were a grown up woman and yes, your life did not begin when he came into your life!!! Being sober emotionally, will enable you to walk out for that abusive relationship and start your life all over again.
Once you make up your mind to walk out of a dysfunctional relationship, you need some counseling and it’s not the right time to look for another relationship to fill that void. You need to heal and be whole as a woman alone and not lonely.

Before you decide to settle with a man, ‘PLEASE LADIES’ inquire from God, if this man is the right one for you. Ask Him to reveal anything that will be a sign, that whoever you are dating is the one or not the one. It does not matter if your age is catching up with you or your age-mates are settling down to start families. If that man is not whom God has kept for you, you have no business being with him. Thinking that God will change His mind to fit-in ,with what you think is right for you? You are simply setting yourself up for a lifetime of heart-ache .

While dating what are the Red Flags??

1.How does he treat his family members? How does he treat strangers ? or how does he treat women in general ? Is he honoring or patient? Check!Check!Check before you commit.
2.Is he open and honest about his past? If he is reluctant to share private things from his past, then he is hiding from you. This is fine at the beginning of a relationship, but never  tie the knot with someone, who has something to hide. If there is shame that he hasn’t dealt with at the cross, he will deal with it at your expense through abuse.
3.Is he a good steward of his money, time, gifts, and resources? If not, do you really think he’ll be a good steward of his future family?
4.Ask God to give you wisdom and understanding,  towards the intent motives of  this guy you are dating. Does he seem motivated to do what is right in order to avoid negative consequences or feedback, to manage his image, or to gain the admiration of others and acquire power? Or is he motivated by the glory of God?
5.Does he respect your boundaries? Or does he feel entitled to invade them and eradicate them from your life? This is a deal breaker, in my opinion. No respect now – no respect later.
6.Does he say he’s sorry when he hurts you or others? If he does, does a change his behavior ? Or is he just saying sorry to get you off his back temporarily?
7.Does he make excuses for his behavior or shift the blame to you or someone else?
8.Do you feel you need to fix him or rescue him? Do you have to make excuses for him and does he expect you to do so? If so, you could be headed toward an unhealthy relationship that will bring you a lifetime of heart-ache. If a man isn’t complete in Christ and ready to join with you – another complete person in Christ, then he ain’t ready for long term commitment.
9.Who are his close- knit friends ? Do they have good reputations? Are they honest,kind and mature?
10.Now you as a lady,where are you at? Are you desperate to get married? Do you feel unworthy of a good man? Unworthy of love? If so, you may be an abuser magnet. Get personally healthy (this doesn’t mean “get perfect.”) You are worthy of love, and you ARE worth a good man. Don’t settle for an abuser just to be able to say you belong to someone. You are not his possession. You are a treasure. You are a beloved child of the King.

Raise your head, and don’t accept anything less than a good (NOT PERFECT)  but humble, honest, emotionally healthy man, who is after God’s own heart

You Are Special In God’s Eyes🎀
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