Ladies, ladies, ladies I had to pen down this topic because most of us have witnessed or encountered a bad boy in our lives or had a girlfriend who was in a dysfunctional relationship with a bad boy. Truth be told, be it in school or in your office where you work , there is always a guy who seems to have a magnet that ladies are attracted to. Let’s be real here, He is handsome, he has a way that he sweet talks ladies, he always has those flirtatious comments and gal!!! he knows how to dress. Life to him is all about having fun. It’s mind blowing to discover, women who have great careers, who are well educated or have thriving businesses ventures, still get tagged along with these bad boys who are not close to being responsible and they don’t want any commitment issues.
The major reason why women from all walks of life might have romantically pursued bad boys probably have more to do with self-esteem issues and the fact that bad boys, for whatever reason, are usually very charming to the eye but deceitful to the soul.My definition of a bad boy is simple: he is a boy (as opposed to a man) who is bad for you in the long term and will bring more pain to your life than joy. Don’t get me wrong: there will be some good times with the bad boy. That’s why women get involved with them but the net result tends to be more pain than joy.
So why are young women involved with bad boys??
1.They lead you on.
They lead you on with an intention to have a good time with you but not for a serious committed relationship. After a breakup and you have made a choice to move on, a text from him appears on your phone. Oh look, he liked your Instagram , he likes your Facebook posts, so you shoot back a “hey” text and say you’re not giving in this time. You get some hopes you could be with him, he doesn’t change, you think you deserve better, end things, get back together, end things, get back together, end things…by the 100th time you think you would learn? Honey!!!The guy ain’t gonna change, pick up your pieces and move on.
2.They don’t want you, but they don’t want you with anyone else.
After a break-up, you start adjusting on your new status as a single lady ,you hang out with friends and the healing process starts. One month or several months later this guy crawls over to you and begs you for another chance. He vows with His mother how he will never cheat on you, he will treat you right, he will commit but two weeks after you accept him back, he is back at it again???Gal you need to get a life and move on from this joker.
3.The impulse to maintain what’s familiar.
Many women attracted to bad boys had a father who was a little wild and rebellious. The fact that they idealize their father, they may seek a partner with similar traits.It does not matter how your biological father was, his choices were his choices not your plat form to look for a man like him. Trust God for man who will treat you right, love you, respect you and honor you. You don’t have to go through the same path your mother went through.
4.The urge to redo the father-daughter relationship.
The motivation is an attempt to revise a troubled or distant relationship with their dad. Often, attraction is fueled by unmet childhood needs from the opposite-sex parent. So if a woman chooses someone reminiscent of her father, her motivation may be to remedy childhood hurts. No man can ever heal your Daddy mistakes, only God can heal you and make you whole to accept another whole person for healthy relationship.
5.The need to be the super woman that you might change him.
To many times women who are dating bad boys get back with them having high hopes they will change them. “People don’t change!” But, you want that bad boy to change for you. You want to be his salvation yet Jesus is the only one who can save him and change his ways. You want to feel like you are worth the challenge, that you are good enough and better then every other woman who has tried to change that guy before you. Honey you ain’t worth the drama, if the guy is a bad boy, surrender him to God, move on and let God at His own perfect time change Him.
6.The lack of knowing what they want in a relationship
Women are easily attracted to men who have sweet words and seem gentle. You need to know who you are, what you want and where you are going .Not every word a man tells you no matter how flattering, will be sincere .Think with your head before you follow your heart
7.The hunger for adventure.
Other women like the excitement, thrills, and sense of danger bad boys bring. This is especially true for those who have been “good girls” all their lives. Perhaps they grew up in a family that demanded conformity and compliance with rules. So they’re intrigued with men who scoff at rules and shrug off responsibility.
8.The Notion of a perfect man.
Nice guys don’t usually need “to be fixed.” Bad boys usually do, so they become a “project.” Some women think if they can “create” the perfect man, he will never leave them. Also, if they’re busy fixing someone else, they don’t have to look at what needs to be fixed in their own lives.
9.Low self-esteem.
If you don’t feel comfortable with who you are, the bad boy will simply have a field day in reinforcing your negative belief. It’s sad to say women who don’t value or appreciate themselves, tend to push away nice guys, who treat them in ways they are not familiar with.
Dangers of being involved with a bad boy
1.He hardly introduces you to his family members or close friends.
You haven’t met his friends or family, and he seems committed to keeping it that way. When you ask about his family, he remains tight-lipped and changes the subject.
2.He fails to keep his word
He might say that he’ll call or go out with you, but when the time comes, he fails to do that. He often comes up with lame excuses later, but somehow manages to make up for it JUST enough to get you to see him another time.
3.He seems to have a pack of women following his trail.
He always has women following his trail and all of them are just his good friends. Don’t get me wrong on this, men ought to have female friends but honey they got to have boundaries. You might be shocked to realize, you are also a set of his friends when he is introducing you to them and all along you have been thinking he is your man!!!
4.He’s got baggage
They always have Horrible past relationships or sad stories about being “misunderstood”. Bad boys often make women feel, if they could just get close to them, they would somehow “fix it” with their love and make their deep well of pain go away. Whether he’s really feeling pain or not, this is a masterful technique, since he manages to just make women feel bad enough for him that they want to stick around and make excuses for their bad behavior. Ladies!!!If he’s “too raw” from his last relationship to call you and follow through with plans, you might have hooked a bad boy.
5.He suggests a lot of hanging out at your place or His place!!!!.
The “date” isn’t really something that he’s interested in, per se. He’d rather suggest that you both “hang out” at his place or yours, He does not want you to have real talk at a public place but he wants to hang out with you indoors, so that you can both bond. We all know body be no wood, what bonding is he talking about here? Gal run for your life, if a man does not want to hang out with you in the open, most probably he wants a quick fix and move to the next page. As a woman who desires to honor God with your body don’t entertain such a man.
6.He will tell you he’s too damaged for a relationship.
He will tell you how he “can’t do a relationship,” but he’ll keep calling you and trying to hang out with you. It’s a classic case of him doing one thing and saying another. He might make you feel like you’re the only one for him, while telling you that he “just got hurt too badly” to start a relationship.Ladies!!! This story is as old as it gets.
7.He ain’t ready for any commitments.
Commitment is not his idea of living,all he wants is fun period!!!
Getting involved with a bad boy will always result to a dysfunctional relationship which drains you as a woman emotionally, physically and spiritually. Realize that maturity does not come with age but with acceptance of responsibility. If a man is not responsible or does not show any signs of commitment, gal you are far much better being alone than wasting your precious time with a time waster. If a man asks if you guys can date, give it some time and allow friendship to blossom before rushing into the real deal. Patience is the weapon that forces deception to reveal itself, it is the insurance against being deceived or making wrong decisions.
Some things can only be made known by waiting. God takes his time.so should you. Stop focusing on your girl friends who are being proposed to and getting married yet no one is even asking you out for a date. Celebrate them and trust God’s timing for you to date and get married. Don’t settle for any guy because he suggested and you are lonely!! No one will ever make you whole, if you are not whole. You will end up having more baggage from all the negative experiences in the name of looking for LOVE in all the wrong places.I have blogged about looking for love , you can still read it through.
To all beautiful Damsels, If a man won’t change to get you, trust me on this………. he won’t change to keep you. Once you have lowered your standards to win that guy, you think ought to be your husband, what grounds do you have to try to raise those standards afterwards, when you are already in a dysfunctional relationship? No amount of gimmicks can change a man, if you lower your standards for him to accommodate you in his life. Being a virtuous woman is an accomplishment you become over time, through your choices and the standards you set in your life but not an entitlement. Know your worth, know what you want, Know who you belong to ,get to know where you are going and you will know what your standards are before anybody else’s sets them for you.
To all beautiful Damsels, If a man won’t change to get you, trust me on this………. he won’t change to keep you. Once you have lowered your standards to win that guy, you think ought to be your husband, what grounds do you have to try to raise those standards afterwards, when you are already in a dysfunctional relationship? No amount of gimmicks can change a man, if you lower your standards for him to accommodate you in his life. Being a virtuous woman is an accomplishment you become over time, through your choices and the standards you set in your life but not an entitlement. Know your worth, know what you want, Know who you belong to ,get to know where you are going and you will know what your standards are before anybody else’s sets them for you.
