Many people will attest, moving on after a break up, might not be that easy. If not all, at least 97% of people who have related and the relationship did not work out, they can relate with what i mean .While dating you knew very well, this person was meant for you but unfortunately He/ She was not.Let’s be real here, after the heart break, you convince yourself and tell people you have moved on but in real sense, you are still clinging on some emotional baggage.It’s sad to say,some people will tend to rush to another relationship, thinking it will be a cure but the fact is, a new relationship will not sort out that baggage.NO human being has the capacity to make you whole,happy or secure if you are not from within.
You need to understand, thinking you have moved on and having really moved on, are two separate situations altogether. In the former, you continue to live under the shadow of that person or relationship without realizing it. You think you have been liberated but the truth is, you are still living in a mental prison as you keep thinking about the person and past memories. This prevents you from receiving new things in your life.The healing process may take time and today i will pin point areas you need to work on, if you are still struggling to let go of a broken relationship.
You are still Holding on that broken relationship when:
- You still have questions about the past. You wonder what could have been or why didn’t it turn out a certain way
- You assign blame for the way things turned out, whether it’s to him/her, yourself or the circumstance.
- You often bring up the person in your conversations, even when there is no relation.
- You have a desire or urge to contact him/her even though you previously told yourself you didn’t want to.
- You find yourself living out the same looping patterns. A very common example would be on-again, off-again relationships with that person. Or a lingering state of relationship that doesn’t get anywhere. Even if you are with other people, if the relationships act out in the same pattern as the past, it reflects you have not moved on. There’s a part of you entrenched in the past which is making the same situation reenact itself, just with a different person.
- You think of the person more often than not.
- You keep mentally reliving past memories with him/her, usually the happy/sweet ones.
- The thought/sight of him/her trigger certain emotional reactions, such as aversion, anxiety, frustration, resignation.
- You have a desire to spite him/her, as a way of making him/her regret for whatever happened.
NB:-Moving on requires self love and self will to understand you deserve better
NB:-Moving on requires self love and self will to understand you deserve better
If you are still holding on to what could have been, it’s time to release it. No more mental torture or holding yourself back for something that cannot come to pass.Depending on how deep the emotional impact was, it might take several phases, before you can really move on but whatever you do, let it be generated towards making positive progress.
Useful Steps To Move On From A Broken Relationship.
1.Forgive him/her
To forgive is the highest and most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.Whenever we refuse to forgive someone, the person we are not forgiving is really ourselves,it makes sense doesn’t it? When you feel angry/bitter towards someone, it’s not the other person who is carrying the anger and bitterness. It’s you!Yes you. The other person is probably not aware of how you are feeling towards him/her. You are the only person carrying the baggage around and you can’t get anywhere far, if you keep dragging them along.
To forgive him/her, first forgive yourself. Think about how you are denying yourself of so much happiness by holding on to your grievances. Think about how you are preventing yourself from experiencing your real love because you are still hanging on to these baggage. Whenever you hold on to something, you prevent yourself from receiving new things in life. Forgive yourself for putting yourself through this trauma. Forgive yourself for everything that has happened. As you forgive yourself, forgiveness of the other person will occur naturally.
2.Clear your baggage;- Acknowledge, accept and let go of your feelings
With every broken relationship comes baggage. The (a) longer and (b) more intense your relationship was, the more baggage you’d have accumulated If your relationship was longer, I can imagine there must be a lot more for you to deal with.Our baggage can be a mixture of sadness, regret, hope, or disappointments.
Don’t bottle the emotions, in the name you are strong ,in one way or another they will explode in the future when you least expect.Let go of those emotions gradually and trust God to heal you completely, in order to receive what He has in store for you.
3.Recognize he/she is not the one for you
A large portion why you can’t move on is probably because you keep seeing him/her as “the one” for you. You just can’t see yourself with anyone else but him/her. Such fixations are very dangerous. This leads you to linger on and on, hoping for a “someday” which will never come.
One thing I’ve realized is that if the party does not have the 110% intention to be together, then he/she is not the one for you. I always believe if real intention is there, any obstacles, no matter how insurmountable can be overcome. If the intention isn’t there, then anything else can come forth as a “reason” for not being together.
If you keep thinking that you guys will be together once the circumstance changes, or once the timing changes, or once you are a better person, then perhaps this isn’t the right person. These requirements are signals this relationship isn’t meant to be. It’s not about the right place or right timing. It’s about whether he/she is the right person. If he/she is the right person, you guys would have been together regardless of how wrong the place or timing is. That’s why it’s called the right person.
4.Share with your close friends
You are not an island, there are close family and friends whom you can disclose to, your situation. You don’t have to go through this alone. Your friends are there for a reason, to help you, support you, and pull you through this period.
5.Reduce contact with him/her
The initial healing period of every wound is always the most delicate. During this time, you wouldn’t want anything to come near and agitate your wound. Especially not the very things the wound is susceptible to. Because of that, it might help to reduce contact with this person at the beginning, if that’s what it’s going to take to move on faster.
6.Do the things you love
Get into some activities. What are the things that excite you or make you feel rejuvenated?Whatever it is from Traveling, hanging out with friends, watching positive Movies or Reading a book, engage yourself in them.
7.Meet new people
It’s easy to get trapped in your head thinking about the situation for too long. Meeting new people, or friends reminds you how there is a whole world out there. There are many great people to know out there. Don’t get cooped up with your life.
8.Know there is nothing wrong with you nor him/her
It’s easy to conclude you are not good enough when something doesn’t work out. There is no preset criteria on what are the “right” or ‘wrong” traits to embody,people just have different expectations. So,there is nothing wrong with you or him/her, you were just not meant for each other.
9.Recognize there is someone out there for you
It does not matter how many relationships you’ve been in the past, how many wrong men/women you’ve been with, or whether you’ve never been in any real relationships. You’re definitely not the only single out there in the world. Look around you! Look at your friends. Look at the people on the streets. Do you think you’re the only person who is single in this world? Of course not! There are 7 billion people in the world. For every couple you see out there, there are multiples of other singles.God loves you so much and He has promised all who have a desire of having a spouse and a family in Isaiah 34:16 Search from the book of the Lord, and read:Not one of these shall fail;Not one shall lack her mate.For My mouth has commanded it, and His Spirit has gathered them.
Conclusion:-
Just because you are single now doesn’t mean you will remain forever single.As long as God has given you the desire for marriage ,it will come to pass.The season of being single means, you focus on living your best life in your definitions.My desire is to see both men and women, move on from whatever they may be holding back on .We can have pain and sadness from an experience however, there’s always a way out. It’s up to us on whether we want to swirl around in the past or move to a better place.
It’s easy to choose the former but it takes courage, to take the latter step which is worth the try.
It’s easy to choose the former but it takes courage, to take the latter step which is worth the try.
